The topic of religion is a touchy one especially when it comes to dating. It seems that family and friends both always have something to say when it comes to who your dating and what their religion is.
Religion often does not come up until later in the relationship, when things are becoming monogamous, but to some religion is very important and if the religious commonality is not there, it may be a deal breaker.
When dating someone with a different religion, we often tend to raise a lot of questions. What will our families think? How will we raise our children? How will holidays be spent? These are all fair questions to ask, and you need to ask yourself if you are comfortable dating someone who believes and practices life differently than you.
I have seen many odd matches, Jahovah witnesses with agnostics, Christians with agnostics, Pagan with Christians, Atheists with Jewish, the list goes on.
Before getting too seriously involved with a potential mate, slow down and think about how important your religion is to you. Seriously think whether you are comfortable or not proceeding with someone who does not practice the same religion as you.
It is not always a bad thing dating someone with a different religion. It can establish your beliefs more and even open your partner up to new things. But, normally in the long run, it equals trouble. A lot of the time, at least in the Christian world, the person who is Christian grows away from God and more into their boyfriend's living beliefs; sometimes girlfriend.
I suggest thinking about it and make a decision before anyone gets attached. We all want to change people, but sometimes this is just not possible. Don't Date 'em to Change 'em.
It is great to take your time and explore the relationship. But if you know for sure that it is a deal breaker, don't get too serious. You may end up feeling attached to a relationship you did not want to or you may end up breaking someone's heart.
Be open but cautious and if you have any specific questions about this topic, please ask.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Don't Date 'em to Change 'em
People, in particular women, tend to date men thinking that change is an option. Although miracles do happen my readers, don't count on it. Changing a man is a difficult task. As we are, they are stuck in their ways. It takes patience and persistence to persuade a man, and most of the time that won't even do it.
Although, this is a broad blog post about change, this week I'm going to be breaking it down for you per day. For example, tomorrow's post will be on changing a man's religion, etc. So that way we will get a full course on Don't Date 'em to Change 'em.
We all have a so called check list...and sometimes those are bad and sometimes those are good. But over the checklist we have this subconscious list that I like to call: Deal Breakers. Deal Breakers can be anything from not having the right religion, or to the person not wanting kids when you do. We all have deal breakers and my advice to you is if the person does not meet your criteria as far as what your deal breakers are, take it as a sign and move on. Don't waste your time and don't waste theirs.
One of my major rules is to never date someone to change who or what they are. There can be things to be improved upon of course. Growth of course. But there are certain things that you cannot influence change on.
If a guy watches porn, he watches porn. If a guy enjoys McDonald's, he enjoys McDonald's. If a guy is atheist, he is atheist. THE CHANCES OF YOU CHANGING THESE THINGS ARE NOT IN YOUR FAVOR.
Move to the next guy. Move on my readers.
Tomorrow I go over dating people who have a different religion then you. Look forward to it.
Although, this is a broad blog post about change, this week I'm going to be breaking it down for you per day. For example, tomorrow's post will be on changing a man's religion, etc. So that way we will get a full course on Don't Date 'em to Change 'em.
We all have a so called check list...and sometimes those are bad and sometimes those are good. But over the checklist we have this subconscious list that I like to call: Deal Breakers. Deal Breakers can be anything from not having the right religion, or to the person not wanting kids when you do. We all have deal breakers and my advice to you is if the person does not meet your criteria as far as what your deal breakers are, take it as a sign and move on. Don't waste your time and don't waste theirs.
One of my major rules is to never date someone to change who or what they are. There can be things to be improved upon of course. Growth of course. But there are certain things that you cannot influence change on.
If a guy watches porn, he watches porn. If a guy enjoys McDonald's, he enjoys McDonald's. If a guy is atheist, he is atheist. THE CHANCES OF YOU CHANGING THESE THINGS ARE NOT IN YOUR FAVOR.
Move to the next guy. Move on my readers.
Tomorrow I go over dating people who have a different religion then you. Look forward to it.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Relationship Resolution Continued.
Hello readers, I hope your New Year is going well so far. Now, todays post is being written somewhat subjectively. I normally try to avoid these types of posts but I want you to not only learn by me but through me.
Here are my thoughts to add for our relationship New Year resolutions for 2011.
1. Give them a warning. Sit your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, spouse whoever it may be, and explain to them what your feelings are how you are feeling, why you are feeling that way and what needs to change in order for you to not bail.
I will give you an example:
(a) I know someone who is in a long-term relationship. She recently came to me explaining how much she loves him, but he just does not listen to her. She went on to explain that she has to SELL every single thought or idea he has, and that it has become both mentally and physically exhausting. She has had to bail him out of multiple situations, and if he would have asked or listened to her in the first place he would not have been in the situation and she would not have had to waste her time bailing him out of it. What I told her to do is sit him and tell him those feelings and tell him that she is done selling things to him and bailing him out. That he needs to listen and pay attention because anything she tells him or advises him on is for his best interest. He agreed to do so, as he always does she says. I talked to her later this afternoon actually. She called me up crying and I asked what was wrong. She explained that she was taking him to work and she had asked him to do what a memo told him to do and he started telling her to shut up, cursing at her and blaming her for an argument. She said that she is more than sick of it and he could not even last 24 hours from his promise to her last night.
So what should she do next?
2. I advised my friend to take a 24 hour break of no contact with her boyfriend. Take 24 hours, treat herself to a relaxing evening of not needing to sell anything. I told her to write a note explaining what the 24 hour break was for and to just get a good sleep. When we take breaks from our loved ones it is extremely hard to follow through. I know this. I experience this. I get this. But, this break is necessary because if they don't think you are serious they will just keep apologizing and make empty promises.
3. After your 24 hour break go about the relationship without asking your partner to apologize. He or she should do it on their own and sorry does not cut it. There better be an explanation.
4. If he or she continues the behavior say that you have decided that you want the opportunity to see other people for a 14 day period. They will make arguments saying they should be able to see other people too, and let them. If a relationship is to work, you must work through it, not fear for it to end. But, to be honest with you they should not threaten you with seeing other people too, if they really love you they should probably beg you not too and straighten up the poor excuse for the act they have been behaving. Make sure that you go out on at least one real date during your 14 day open relationship. Explore, be open and let your loved one know that things have got to change.
5. After the 14 day period if behaviors and arguments are still the same my advice is to consider breaking it off or accept it for what it is. But as your dating coach, the behaviors such as my friend's boyfriend are not acceptable.
Relationship are about working as a team. We do not work for each other. The last thing that a person should be doing is selling ideas to their loved one. You should not have to constantly wonder if your partner is doing what is best for them and you. I know this is a downer post but I think it is important for all of you to know that you are not alone. Other people are going through this and you just need to take your relationship and make it work for you. We can't live unhappy because our loved ones are stubborn. If it is emotionally and physically draining and the relationship is making you not enjoy life as you should be I encourage to to try my 5 step program above in pursuit to staying true to your new year resolution relationship wise.
TOMORROW, I will do a post on Don't Date 'em to Change 'em. Its a good one and one of the biggest mistakes people make when they start dating. Stay tuned.
Here are my thoughts to add for our relationship New Year resolutions for 2011.
1. Give them a warning. Sit your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, spouse whoever it may be, and explain to them what your feelings are how you are feeling, why you are feeling that way and what needs to change in order for you to not bail.
I will give you an example:
(a) I know someone who is in a long-term relationship. She recently came to me explaining how much she loves him, but he just does not listen to her. She went on to explain that she has to SELL every single thought or idea he has, and that it has become both mentally and physically exhausting. She has had to bail him out of multiple situations, and if he would have asked or listened to her in the first place he would not have been in the situation and she would not have had to waste her time bailing him out of it. What I told her to do is sit him and tell him those feelings and tell him that she is done selling things to him and bailing him out. That he needs to listen and pay attention because anything she tells him or advises him on is for his best interest. He agreed to do so, as he always does she says. I talked to her later this afternoon actually. She called me up crying and I asked what was wrong. She explained that she was taking him to work and she had asked him to do what a memo told him to do and he started telling her to shut up, cursing at her and blaming her for an argument. She said that she is more than sick of it and he could not even last 24 hours from his promise to her last night.
So what should she do next?
2. I advised my friend to take a 24 hour break of no contact with her boyfriend. Take 24 hours, treat herself to a relaxing evening of not needing to sell anything. I told her to write a note explaining what the 24 hour break was for and to just get a good sleep. When we take breaks from our loved ones it is extremely hard to follow through. I know this. I experience this. I get this. But, this break is necessary because if they don't think you are serious they will just keep apologizing and make empty promises.
3. After your 24 hour break go about the relationship without asking your partner to apologize. He or she should do it on their own and sorry does not cut it. There better be an explanation.
4. If he or she continues the behavior say that you have decided that you want the opportunity to see other people for a 14 day period. They will make arguments saying they should be able to see other people too, and let them. If a relationship is to work, you must work through it, not fear for it to end. But, to be honest with you they should not threaten you with seeing other people too, if they really love you they should probably beg you not too and straighten up the poor excuse for the act they have been behaving. Make sure that you go out on at least one real date during your 14 day open relationship. Explore, be open and let your loved one know that things have got to change.
5. After the 14 day period if behaviors and arguments are still the same my advice is to consider breaking it off or accept it for what it is. But as your dating coach, the behaviors such as my friend's boyfriend are not acceptable.
Relationship are about working as a team. We do not work for each other. The last thing that a person should be doing is selling ideas to their loved one. You should not have to constantly wonder if your partner is doing what is best for them and you. I know this is a downer post but I think it is important for all of you to know that you are not alone. Other people are going through this and you just need to take your relationship and make it work for you. We can't live unhappy because our loved ones are stubborn. If it is emotionally and physically draining and the relationship is making you not enjoy life as you should be I encourage to to try my 5 step program above in pursuit to staying true to your new year resolution relationship wise.
TOMORROW, I will do a post on Don't Date 'em to Change 'em. Its a good one and one of the biggest mistakes people make when they start dating. Stay tuned.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Year Start Fresh
Welcome daters and married people to the New Year. Many say a new year is a fresh start, and I hope so for all of you. Start your New Year fresh, trying to make it a priority to stay out of arguments and work on yourself as an individual so that you can better contribute to your romantic relationships and friendships.
According to ABC there are two types of people: People who make New Year Resolutions and people who do not. According to one study done by Psychology Professor John at the University of Scranton only 75% of people who make resolutions actually manage to keep up with them past the first week of the new year, 71% past two weeks, and for better or worse, only 46% maintain them after six months. These resolutions are normally dealing with losing weight, quitting smoking, etc.
Well, yes it is difficult to keep a New Year's resolution, I'm going to ENCOURAGE all of you to keep this only for AT LEAST 7 MONTHS...that is right you and me are going to try and break that 46%.
COMMIT YOURSELF TO YOUR NEW 2011 NEW YEAR RELATIONSHIP RESOLUTION
This could be dealing with many different scenarios. It seems when the new year starts that many people consider jumping ship, staring over and moving on from what may be a stagnant relationship. Some people wake up on the first of the year and look back on all the stresses they just lived through during the holiday season, and ask themselves..."Is it worth it?"
My challenge to you this year, is to not just give up. Don't make a hasty decision on the first of this year, give yourself 30 - 60 days to really think it out and put effort into the relationship. The KEY here is give yourself a timeline. I am the last person to encourage wasting time in a relationship that may not be going anywhere. I just don't want you, my readers, to wake up and make a decision and then regret it and break your resolution 14 days later. Me and the relationship coach from the article agree, commit yourself for the next 30 to 60 days to bring variety and excitement into your life and your relationship. In the next few days of the new year try something new. Make it a priority to go out and do something together that you normally would not do.
If you are single then hear me out. Make it a priority to be more open to dating in 2011. It is so easy for all of us to get stuck in our ways and not want to branch out into the unknown. If your a guy, look for the signs, girls do give them. And if you are a girl, do not be shy about being open to go out and have fun...it could lead to a new great relationship.
Remind yourself, resolution and relationship or not, it's a decision you've made and only you can be accountable for.
Leave comments and have a great first day of the NEW YEAR!!!!
According to ABC there are two types of people: People who make New Year Resolutions and people who do not. According to one study done by Psychology Professor John at the University of Scranton only 75% of people who make resolutions actually manage to keep up with them past the first week of the new year, 71% past two weeks, and for better or worse, only 46% maintain them after six months. These resolutions are normally dealing with losing weight, quitting smoking, etc.
Well, yes it is difficult to keep a New Year's resolution, I'm going to ENCOURAGE all of you to keep this only for AT LEAST 7 MONTHS...that is right you and me are going to try and break that 46%.
COMMIT YOURSELF TO YOUR NEW 2011 NEW YEAR RELATIONSHIP RESOLUTION
This could be dealing with many different scenarios. It seems when the new year starts that many people consider jumping ship, staring over and moving on from what may be a stagnant relationship. Some people wake up on the first of the year and look back on all the stresses they just lived through during the holiday season, and ask themselves..."Is it worth it?"
My challenge to you this year, is to not just give up. Don't make a hasty decision on the first of this year, give yourself 30 - 60 days to really think it out and put effort into the relationship. The KEY here is give yourself a timeline. I am the last person to encourage wasting time in a relationship that may not be going anywhere. I just don't want you, my readers, to wake up and make a decision and then regret it and break your resolution 14 days later. Me and the relationship coach from the article agree, commit yourself for the next 30 to 60 days to bring variety and excitement into your life and your relationship. In the next few days of the new year try something new. Make it a priority to go out and do something together that you normally would not do.
If you are single then hear me out. Make it a priority to be more open to dating in 2011. It is so easy for all of us to get stuck in our ways and not want to branch out into the unknown. If your a guy, look for the signs, girls do give them. And if you are a girl, do not be shy about being open to go out and have fun...it could lead to a new great relationship.
Remind yourself, resolution and relationship or not, it's a decision you've made and only you can be accountable for.
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